how to be a really successful madame.

2 Oct

“I can’t believe you sold yourself and kept your clothes on. I’m so proud of you.”

~ Harry

Something really interesting about the restaurant business is that it can easily be confused with hooking. Bet you never knew that! Today I sold my party planning services for a pretty penny and voila! My husband equated me to a prostitute!

Really, you guys, I’m not a hooker at all. If you think about it, I’m more of like a madame, which is way more lucrative so I’m pretty happy. A couple comes in for a date and I set them up in a booth with a girl who will satisfy their every (dinner) need. And then, depending on how well that girl serviced them, she’s tipped accordingly! And I get paid a set fee. See? Decent analogy if I do say so myself.

This whole prostitution analogy crosses over to you, the lowly customer, so don’t think that you’re so innocent. It’s actually where the whole concept of “food porn*” came from. You thought it was Instagram but you were way wrong. It was because men began discovering that instead of paying for sex, they could buy a woman a meal and for the same price (depending on the venue, of course), they could get a steak and get laid because if the food is delicious enough and the vino’s dry enough, a girl will give it up for free! So it’s like a BOGO sort of situation.

Anyway, to show me how proud he was of me for selling myself to a woman, Harry cooked me sweet potato gnocchi with sage butter sauce and that was the first time we’ve used our stove in 6 years.


*Side bar: Food porn, Mom and Dad, is where you take photos of something mouth watering that you’re about to sink your teeth into, which also happens to be pleasing to the eye. Then you post the said photo to Instagram and all of your followers like it and say things like “omg did you make that yourself?” and “they serve brunch at that place?” and “#stoptakingphotosoffoodandshowussomethinginterestingalready” and “did you use Lo-fi or Nashville on that photo?”


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