it takes the owners to raise the owner’s daughter.

26 Aug

Something that probably crosses your mind every so often is what sort of strange people made me the lovely lady I am.

Well, this is my dad. In this photo he’s doing one of his favorite things, “treasure hunting.” He learned it from the classic Steve Martin film Housesitter. His other favorite movies include Spaceballs and Rudy. He does not like movies with more than one word in the name.

And this is my mom, wearing one of her favorite shower caps. She wore it to a bridal shower we had today because she didn’t like the way her hair came out. I thought it looked just fine, but who am I to vote?

Here’s a picture frame that they proudly display in their kitchen. In it are their two favorite children, and me. Kindly note that the dog is the only adequately captured subject.

Here are some closeups, just in case you can’t exactly figure out what these are photos of.

Here’s me, sitting on my parents’ boat.

On this particular afternoon, they invited a few too many people to join us, so I didn’t get a seat. I was sad. I recall them cackling when they snapped this shot. Also, I was expected to serve boat drinks when I wasn’t in my hole. And pizza. It is for this reason that I now refuse to board a boat that is less than 50′ and fully staffed. I’d like to point out at this time that I bait all my own hooks whilst fishing. It doesn’t matter if the bait is living or dead.

And then here’s my brother standing on the front porch with his head cut off. Not literally, silly! But the dog looked really good in the photo so they were like fuck it, we’ll just frame this one. My therapist told me not to fight my brother’s battles, so I’m just letting it be. But honestly? All the other photos in their house are JUST of the dog, so they could have swung for a full face shot of my bro. Since this photo was taken, my brother has not returned to the house. He got his own dog and stopped shaving because “mom and dad don’t give a shit anyway.” It’s a little awkward, maybe I shouldn’t talk about it, I don’t know who you’re going to tell. By the way, he won’t bait his own hook when fishing. Even the lures made of rubber.

And those are the people who shaped me in a nutshell!!


One Response to “it takes the owners to raise the owner’s daughter.”

  1. Lisi August 26, 2012 at 11:14 pm #

    OMG. This is hilarious. I feel like you could be Lena Dunham. Or like her best friend. “Your hole!” HAHAHA!

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