how to make a waitress hate your guts (part 2)

12 Jul

This evening at our daily ritual of not ever cooking, we spent the majority of our dinner trying to get my babygirl to stop wailing at the top of her lungs because she was overtired and hungry and perhaps it was her time of the month, I’m really not quite sure when that sort of stuff starts.
“We’re the people we hate,” I shouted to Harry over my kid’s whines. He couldn’t respond though, cause he was totally consumed with how much the the food totally sucked and he was mentally plotting where he might stop to pick up a second round of (more satisfying) dinner.
“All the waitresses hate our guts.” But then I looked at the floor and there were no crumbs, forks, sugar packets, menus, silly putty or banana peels so I concluded that they wouldn’t hate us for long and accepted our status as only mildly irritating.
Here are some other things that annoy the shit out of servers. And just so you know, I’m not pulling this out of thin air. These complaints were compiled by me and my staff over a series of dinner services and chances are at least all of them apply to you in some respect.

– IGNORE THE SERVER – The practice of treating the waitress like a boring ghost and not acknowledging her presence except if you’re complaining or need more wine typically occurs in groups of 3 or more women and 6+ coeds (because that makes it 3 women anyway). Add one person for every 100 miles you get from NY because domestic foreigners have good manners.

– FILL UP ON BREAD/CHIPS AND CANCEL YOUR ORDER – So let me get this straight. If you go to the supermarket and buy food and shit and cook dinner but then you have too much Costco edamame, do you throw the said meal in the garbage even though you spent money on it? Then why do you try to do that to us? Be a man and wrap your salad up for work tomorrow.

– ORDER YOUR SOFT DRINKS FROM THE BAR BEFORE YOU SIT DOWN – {note: this is a scam and if you find yourself enlightened after reading the following, kindly refrain from implementing it at my restaurants. I’ve got bills to pay} It happens every day. A guy comes in waiting for friends. “I’ll just wait at the bar,” he tells the hostess and heads over to order a diet coke from the bartender, who doesn’t charge him because it’s highly unusual practice for a customer to be charged for a soft drink at a bar. Two minutes later he visits with the hostess again and says “You know, I think that table now. They should be here any minute.” And like that, dude’s got a soda. The most astute and bitter bartender/waitress duo will slap that drink on the bill, but in most cases you’re in the clear.

That’s all for tonight, stay posted for other things that make us restaurant people kind of want to kick your ass.


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