how to make hangover soup!

3 Jul

Something really fun about the restaurant business is that when you’re nursing a nasty hangover, there’s a kitchen full of guys offering you their remedies from all over Central America. For instance, today. Last night was Jimmy’s wedding*, and as a result of the 7 bottles of wine I drank, I was in no shape to be at work (Nor was I in any shape to take my babygirl to mommy and me gymnastics today at 8:30am  but I pulled that shit off like a champ). By the time I got to work, the nausea was subsiding (unless someone mentioned the words “beer” or “ice” or “kiwi strawberry Snapple” and then I just wanted to puke again). I was, however, jonesing pretty hardcore for “anything involving butter and cheese, preferably also involving bacon, bread and eggs” in order to coat my bloated, baggy clothing clad stomach and get me back to my normal vivacious self. The Irish guy told me that instead of an egg sandwich, I feel much better if I either drank a shot of tequila or to dropped a shot of tequila in a beer and drank that. The fellow Jew waitress told me to hold my nose while I drank the tequila. The Guatemalan offered me “Hangover Soup,” which apparently consists of egg drop soup, spinach and jalapeños. Listen, hombre. Maybe that’s how you roll in your country, but up in here we eat a greasy cheeseburger with fries and feel better in no time.

So he made me the egg sandwich with a heap of bacon and the perfect cheese-to-egg ratio, and I sort of did feel better. Other than the fact that I was wearing pajamas at work and didn’t brush my hair and was only wearing one fake eyelash, I probably totally looked like my normal self. Nonetheless, hangovers cause you to turn into useless lumps of sleepiness and stupidity.

Like the part of the day that I went to the office to check something, and a guy called to place a takeout order. I wrote it down, told him twenty minutes. And then naturally I fell asleep. Because that’s what restaurant owners who go to work still drunk from the night before do. Luckily the cesspool people called and woke me up. Thanks, Pooper Scoopers, for the averted crisis!

The other part of the day that is really standing out is the part where I’m sitting in front of my keyboard literally dozing off with my fingers on assorted keys. Splendiddddddddddddddddddddddd. I keep waking up and remembering to write, but I My body is telling me to sleep but my brain is saying “Entertain the people, you lazy bitch!” I’ve gotta take my brain’s hint or I’m going to write something as incoherent as the text(s) that every contact in my phone received last evening. Like just now I fell asleep for 42 minutes and woke up because the cat jumped on me. Thanks, kitty for being a big enough bitchy attention whore cat that you woke up your mama. Ugh here we go again. Tack on another ten. This is what happens when boring old ladies like myself get out on the town

*Sidebar: Review of Jimmy’s Wedding – The bride was beautiful! The groomsmen wore patent leather Chuck Taylors because I wouldn’t let him wear them for me and Harry’s wedding so he convinced Jimmy that it was cool and even though I was totally skeptical they really did look fab marching down the aisle! The cocktail hour was stressful because it’s hard to competitively eat pigs in a blanket when you have to follow the girl with the tray across a crowded room! I chose white wine because I don’t really know why! Harry’s best man speech was the greatest 4 minutes in the history of men! And that’s pretty much all I remember. Nicole and I spent most of today piecing back the evening puzzle, and here’s what we came up with in a nutshell: Charlie wore a bow tie. The DJ only played 1/2 of my 3 requests which is such bullshit. (Mr. Brightside by the Killers, Everybody Talks by Neon Trees, Some Nights by fun.)  I threatened the DJ’s life for disappointing me eternally. Jimmy cried a lot. I took photos with strangers. Harry danced. I danced. I spilled an espresso on Charlie. Lisa spilled a cappuccino on herself. Nicole got a black and blue from falling in the limo on the way home. I have some sort of long rounded burn/scratch/tiger bite. Nicole came to pick up her car today and threw up on my lawn.

It was a good night.

To sum up just how intoxicated I was, I DID NOT EAT DESSERT. A disappointing day in my book if ever I’ve heard one!


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