here today, gone tomorrow (also known as “how i ran away with the roller derby”)

13 Jun

One of the most interesting things about life is that you never necessarily know who your cast of characters is going to be in a week from now, or even tonight. You can anticipate. You can assume. But the fact is, there is no way to be sure. In a week from now, you can have a new job. You can meet your soulmate (musical, romantic, fellow roller derby aficionado*) who you didn’t even know you were looking for. You can be displaced from your home for some totally bizarro reason and be living in an Extended Stay America on the side of the Long Island Expressway and the people in your life can be the front desk guy and some lonely business travelers.

Tonight I thought my cast would include Dave Matthews, the guy selling t-shirts in the parking lot, perhaps a phone call from my liquor store buddy, and a quick exchange my work husband for like 5 minutes while he came in to cover for me so that I could play hooky and go to a concert in the mist.

There was no way that I could possibly know that my evening would instead consist of the following players:

  • 2 Ginormous Black Guys trying to sell me their security services. “We’re very family friendly,” I told them, trying to keep my cool and not let them see that I was shaking in my boots that they would pick me up by my shirt and force me to hire them or they’re gonna throw me across the room. “We’re so family friendly that we have a 13-year-old sitting at the bar right now. We definitely don’t have any security issues.” I felt cool and collected because one of my waiters is a pretty big guy (who looked fairly puny next to these guys) and I felt like he would protect me if they tried to launch me.
  • A 13-year-old Sitting at the Bar and eating a cheeseburger. He told his mom that he wanted a burger and she offered to take him to Burger King, 5 Guys, the Diner or any other place he wanted for his meal. He chose my place and they sat at the bar watching the Mets game on one TV, the Yankees game on another (and So You Think You Can Dance on the other one, but that was mainly for my pleasure and to criticize people’s outfits). He came in quite handy when the security men came to peddle shit.
  • 1 Cute Little Solicitor who I had to kick out (along with his tempting box of candy bars) because we don’t allow solicitors but I felt so bad that I almost chased him out and bought the whole box (100k calories in chocolate! YUM!) but then I saw that he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the chilly mist and I instead decided to tell his mom that she didn’t have him dressed appropriately for outdoor soliciting and should take him home straight away. Ok that’s not entirely true. I really just made a chocolate milk and went back to what I was doing.
  • Some Crazy Bitch who a few months back made a valiant attempt to destroy my life, and tonight resurfaced on my iPhone asking how my babygirl is doing. But luckily everyone knows that once you delete a text message, it never happened. So wait, does that mean she wasn’t actually part of my day?
The moral of the story is that you should really appreciate all people who are in your life today, because tomorrow they might need to protect you from a couple of big black men.

*SIDEBAR: In an effort to create a completely unexpected tomorrow, I perused meetup.com for some new activities. It was there that I stumbled upon the Strong Island Derby Revolution, an all girls roller derby league, which I have decided to check out. Is this a result of my love for the movie “Whip It” directed by Drew Barrymore and starring Kristen Wiig and Juno? Absolutely 100% this is the case. I want to skip class and pageant training to sneak into Austin and fall in love with an indy rocker only to be eternally disappointed by him and his skanks, threatened by a competitor and ultimately learn important life lessons, such as be yourself and parents are only human. Harry said no because he hit me with a hockey puck the other night and I cried and he said that I’m not tough enough but my therapist said that she knows someone who plays and loves it and you wear pads so your injuries aren’t as severe as they potentially could be. Will keep you posted.

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One Response to “here today, gone tomorrow (also known as “how i ran away with the roller derby”)”

  1. Harry June 14, 2012 at 12:04 am #

    One of the engineers has a wife whom is into roller derby, go go it

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