things i’ve heard… (in lots of short words)

18 May

Here are some things I heard from the mouths of guys and gals at my place tonight:

  • Thought from a friend: “Start with fuck!” (No prob…)
  • At not quite half past eight: “Where’s the food, it’s 9. I need to go to sleep”
  • Some guy: “This food has cheese. I don’t like cheese. How did you not know that?”
  • Same guy: “My kid can spill this vase if he wants to. We pay to be here.”
  • From a bride at her Last Meal: “The cake got messed up. I left it in the car for a long time.”
  • From my Work Groom: “The cake has a dead cat on top of it. Why why why?”
  • From my Real Groom: “Don’t cry. The cat is fake.”
  • From my staff: “Why do they all have to make up their own dish? I hate them. All of them.”
  • And a nice thought from Nicole: “You’re not fat. It’s just bloat.”
  • To the kitchen staff: “I want steak tonight. I’ll get svelte some time but not now.”
  • From the kitchen staff: “What is svelte, boss?”
  • Back to the kitchen staff: “If you work for a Jew then you need to know these things. Jeez.”

Here’s some other shit that went down:

  • While there was a quite long line for the loo, I broke the thing that holds the roll of stuff you use to wipe. Oops! My bad. I meant to help but what can you do?
  • I fixed the thing. But it was too late. There were nine folks waiting to pee. You should have seen this one guy’s face.
  • Since my desk is next to the loo, I heard them all pee and stuff. It was like so yuck yuck yuck.
  • Joe came home from school. He runs food and thinks he’s more smart than me. What a fool.
  • I told my mom “I want a dress that looks fab and makes my boobs stand out.” And she said “How ’bout this?” and held up one that was eh. But when I put it on it was like SO FAB and my boobs were spot on all night.
  • I had lunch with my mom and my dad and my kid and I said to the guy who had our group “How do you feel when folks get iced tea AND that clear free stuff that you drink? Does it piss you off?” And he made a face like “Um. Of course it does.” But said “If you don’t drink both then I don’t like when guests do that.” I thought that was nice. “It’s nice that you did not call my mom a pain in the ass. She’ll tip you well.”
  • My hubs bought me tix to see a show at Jones Beach. He said he’ll drop me off and cook me a hot dog and pour me a beer and then pick me up. He loves me so much but not my taste in tunes.
  • Marc at the bar said I could use his name in my post cause it’s the right length. Hi Marc. We both love Queen so much. And tunes from shows. He’s not gay though. His wife is so glad.

In case you don’t know, this was not a post that was fun to write. Thank the lord it’s done.


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