¡ay dios mio!

10 May

Today was normal in the following ways:

1. I started my diet. Due to my incessant eating of cannolis/fro yo/hot dogs/doughnuts/artisan popsicles/jelly roll cupcakes/funnel cake fries/tagliatelle with meyer lemon cream for 2 days straight in Chicago, I decided it’s a great week to start my summer diet. A hint of how necessary this diet is can be seen in my daughter’s request to use my extremely puffy face as a pillow this morning. So I ate water and iced tea until lunch, then had a healthy salad with salmon on top. Yuck! I mean, yum! And then….

2. I ended my diet by eating a 3 pound slice of pizza.  Did I ask Nicole to bring me a slice of pizza with extra cheese before her shift started? No. But it would have been rude of me to not eat it. The extra cheese gave it some intense extra bulk. Bulk as in it weighed about 3 pounds. I soaked up about 7 ounces of oil with a napkin and didn’t eat the tip of the slice because it was too droopy (2 pounds of cheese will do that to ya I suppose) so I guess it was sort of a diet

3. I cried.  I’ve been super duper stressed lately for a variety of reasons. You can probably tell I have  a lot going on, perhaps in the form of shorter or less frequent posts, maybe due to the fact that I’m like 100% completely totally boring lately, or perhaps in the form of some hardcore grammatical errors…. I’m sure you’ve picked up on these things, because at this point we know each other pretty well. So today when I heard the song “Easy” by Rascal Flatts and Natasha Bedingfield, I bawled in my office for fifteen minutes because I didn’t get to see Rascal Flatts and it’s not fair. Then I sent an email to someone 7 minutes before my deadline and I cried a little bit more, this time with pride. My dad came in and moved a few tables around and told me his cesspool collapsed, and that was a highly emotional moment as well.

4. I forgot to put on makeup.  The fact that I galavant around work with wet hair and no makeup makes my mom really really sad and eternally disappointed in me (aesthetically, not intellectually). I didn’t want her to stop by and yell at me so before dinner service started I slapped on some blush and foundation, smeared some lip plumper on my smackers and continued on with my day.

5. I talked about sex with random customers. Damn you, Shades of Grey.

6. A Guatemalan guy promised me a really good surprise.  Actually, he made the promise last night, and wouldn’t crack on what it might be. I assumed it was steak tacos from the bodega because I really like them like super mucho. But lunch came and went, and I was very sad, because the last time one of the kitchen guys had a surprise for me it was a Salvadorian flag beaded necklace that he got on his visit home and it matched practically nothing in my wardrobe. But this guy seemed really tuned in to how shitty of a mood I’ve been in, and he kept assuring me that I’d really like the surprise. Then halfway through dinner service, I was standing in the window packing a takeout order and he told me to turn around.





All I could think was THANK THE FUCKING LORD I PUT ON MAKEUP/HE’S STILL SOOOOO TAN AND SOOOO CUTE! but all I could say was  “{swoon} !” (I said nothing. I was speechless…)  I mean, what would you do if your first Amor was standing in front of you after 11 years looking adorable? That’s what I thought. Oh my, did you just notice what I noticed? OMAR and AMOR are almost the same words! That’s so sweet! We sat and talked for about 7 hours, and I understood nearly most of what he said! Here’s what I learned about Omar:

  1. He’s got a ponytail.
  2. He’s going to Honduras in December to find a wife, but he’s only staying for 2 months. Then in 3 years he’ll go back to stay.
  3. He’s a world class DJ among the Latin set. (The real reason he was there was to book a party for one of my kitchen guys, not just to tell me how much he used to adore me)
  4. He’s deep as hell. (“We were from different worlds but that’s the way life goes. You can’t put your finger on the sun…. It is what it is.”)
  5. When he goes to Honduras he’s expecting me to come visit him and we’ll take a weeklong trip to the beach. When I asked about my husband and kid, he said “There’s plenty of room in my country for your family.”
  6. Plans when he moves back to his country are to run his farm where he will raise cows and horses and grow rice and beans, chill out, continue to DJ and open some sort of bodega (he didn’t know how to translate it and/or I didn’t understand what he said)
  7. He’s WAYYYYY too nice to make me regret my decision to marry My Precious Gringo (Harry). He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who will sit around and talk smack about every person we know, and that’s really where me and Harry thrive as a couple.
Ok, that’s all. I’m done now.


In conclusion, thanks Mom for being so damn wise. And ponytails are such a buzzkill.



One Response to “¡ay dios mio!”

  1. Lindsey May 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    My favorite post yet…wow, the omar days were MANY moons ago… crazy…

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