sunshine week kickoff (there’s a happy ending, don’t worry)

16 Apr

FUN WITH HASHBROWN HARRY’S!

For all you haters/skeptics/assholes out there, here’s further proof that Hashbrown Harry’s is real:

REAL PRESS FOR A FAKE RESTAURANT. An interesting fact about this link is that I have no idea what it says. I have neither a Newsday subscription nor an Optimum account, so I’m blocked from this particular site. Soooooo if you can cut and paste it into something visible for me I’d totally totally love it.

Visit http://www.hashbrownharrys.com for all the fun fun fun details, and remember. RESERVATIONS ARE REQUIRED SO GET OFF YOUR ASS, OR STAY ON IT FOR ALL I CARE AND EMAIL hashbrownharrys@gmail.com STAT.

So as we discussed yesterday, I’m celebrating the 2nd ever Sunshine Week by going on the One Week Happiness Diet that I invented yesterday. It went so well that I’m not going to even write about how much I love Harry because he does adorable things like shop for collars to put on the dog we don’t own. I’m just going to review the steps to Happiness and let you know how I implemented them into my everyday life.

THE 7 STEPS TO THE HAPPINESS DIET

  1. Eat anything you want: I wanted Indian food (can I be totally honest with you? I have never eaten in an Indian restaurant. I have no excuse. I feel weird admitting that) but Harry wanted 5 Guys, so we compromised on California Pizza Kitchen. I bought Electrolyte Water at Trader Joe’s, Fresh Chocolate Milk (and incense?) at Whole Foods, and Uncrustables at Target (strawberry and grape). Riley and I shared a banana while we shopped. 
  2. Do whatever: I bought a plant at Whole Foods that’s a succulent with flowers. I feel confident about keeping it alive. This evening, after a lovely family dinner, I cruised over here:There are no actual words for the hour-long massage I paid $28 for. I would have to climb on top of you while you’re laying on your stomach, straddle you and squeeze my kneecaps into the sides of your ass BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. Oh, and at the same time, my little 90 pound masseuse engaged in a fully (and apparently quite humorous) Chinese conversation with her boss. Basically, I spent an hour getting the shit beat out of me, with a little extra attention paid to my feet. Regardless of whether or not that was a happy ending to my night, I left with sex hair like no other. Good thing I ran into people I knew at the pizza place afterwards.
  3. No regretting what you’ve eaten or done: I actually can’t wait to finish this post so I can go grab a little bag of Pirate’s Booty. And I kind of like what I did today… especially the parts where I sort of got molested and folded 4 giant loads of laundry.
  4. Don’t shop for bathing suits: I did walk by them, but didn’t make eye contact. Instead I wore my cowboy boots with their new matching country girl skirt and a really cool Gilly Hicks bra that’s a little too sporty for weekends at work (and a shirt). I dressed my babygirl exactly like me. She looked fab, obviously. Also, I made the official decision that the messy top-o-my-head bun will be the main hairstyle I’ll be sporting for the next 4-7 months. Or the post-massage fuck-me ponytail. Can’t decide.
  5. Exercise alternatively: First I played soccer with Riley but it turned out I was wearing cowboy boots and she doesn’t know how to kick a ball. Moved on to playing on the seesaw, and I concluded my circuit training by playing an intense game of street hockey with Harry and Austin. Kindly note that me and Austin’s team won. Because we’re so adorable.
  6. Take your Music Vitamins: Riley has officially memorized the choreography to “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees. Unfortunately you can’t record a video while you play Spotify, so you’ll have to take my word for it.
  7. Results may vary: Incredible things happened today. First, my phone autocorrected the word “F-Bomb” to Bong. Then, at Target, a woman came up to me. “Old Gringos?” I had no idea what she was talking about until I remembered my boots. “No, Corrals.” Did I have to look at the bottom? Yes I did. “They’re beautiful.” I felt like how Carrie Underwood must feel like all the time – like a Celebrity Cowgirl. THEN at the register the total was $40.79, AND I PULLED EXACTLY 79¢ OUT OF MY BAG!! I shared the moment with all the shoppers and cashiers around me. They were really impressed with my mad skills. Oh, and to top it off, there was this:

Sunshine Week has started with a bang… but it only gets better. Tomorrow I’m going to see Charlie AND IT’S POETRY TUESDAY!!!!!!

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