memoirs of a shitty shitty day.

24 Mar

Today was a shitty day in many, many ways. Here are the highlights:

  1. My good spatula has gone missing so my pancakes came out like shit. I don’t think it had to do with the expired milk I used to make them, but I guess we’ll never know.
  2. While trying to snap a photo of Riley wearing her Syracuse hat at the park, I accidentally tripped her, causing her to fall on her face and get a scratch on her nose and a bump on her forehead. Twenty minutes later, I put Riley in the big girl swing because Austin insisted on sitting in the baby swing, and she wasn’t holding on as tight as I thought (because she’s a baby). Yada, yada, yada, I am just now getting all of the recycled tire “dirt” out of her hair.

    Riley post-trip. Nice recovery.

  3. Austin got his foot stuck at the top of the slide, and while I was taking pictures of him being a total weirdo, Riley took it upon herself to “borrow” the toy of an extremely violent bitch of a toddler.

    My stepkid's a weirdo.

  4. I poured the gelatin too soon for the top layer of my Arnold Palmer jello shots, and in my haste I fucked them all up. What was supposed to be a bi-layer treat with a candied piece of lemon in the middle is now a glob of brown sugary goo with a stack of lemons on one side of the pan and a clump of frilled toothpicks on the other.
  5. I ate all my family meal chicken wings without remembering use blue cheese. (Vocab of the day: FAMILY MEAL: The meal that the staff eats before a shift. Ideally a time to bond between kitchen staff and front-of-the-house staff, or for me and Harry, time to check our TMZ app for the day.) I hate wings without blue cheese.
  6. I found a tutorial on Pinterest for how to do the Katniss Everdeen braid and did a damn good job considering how french braid impaired I’ve been for my whole life. I did it over 3 times to get it perfect, didn’t move my neck for an hour and put 35 bobby pins in it for stability. Nevertheless, it fell out before the dinner rush even started.
  7. At exactly 7:05pm, I was all ready to watch the Syracuse game when a series of men over 6′ tall blocked the TV for the entire first half.
  8. My hostess and I were bullied by a hungry asswad who didn’t understand that sometimes on a Saturday night at an amazingly delicious and popular restaurant, you’ve got to wait a few minutes for your table.
  9. Syracuse lost, (or so I was told – I was crying under my desk when it hit the 1 minute mark) and my mom called me to tell me that one of the waiters at her restaurant was really happy, so it wasn’t all terrible. Really mom? Tell that to my Syracuse Cheerleader Barbie Doll, who now has nothing to do until next year except sit in a drawer in my office.

So that was my day. Broken babygirl. Epic Jello shot fail. Fallen Katniss braid. No team for which to root. A cop hot on my trail (let’s not even get started…).

Luckily I picked up 37 ounces of Frozen Yogurt (fine. 2 ounces of Yogurt, 35 ounces of Fruit Loops, Caramel Cups, Heath Bar, Hot Fudge and Fruity Pebbles) to make it all go away.

Hopefully it won’t give me brain freeze.

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