a (satur)day in the life….

4 Mar

Saturdays for me are probably different than most of yours, where you do some errands, catch up on your DVR and meet up with friends to watch sports in bars or go to a movie or something like that. Today was pretty average for me, and here’s how it went down:

  • 9am -Me, Harry, Austin & Riley relax in bed. Or rather, me and Harry try to relax while Austin and Riley use us as their own personal jungle gym.
  • 11am – I drive to work without stopping at Starbucks. I’m still confused how this happened, it isn’t normal behavior.
  • 11:30am -Harry storms into my office to tell me that he just found fried calamari and pasta left out from the night before by some of our employees. He tells me he’s going to ban eating. I tell him that might not work but we can try.
  • 12pm – I work on a menu for an upcoming rehearsal dinner with the groom’s parents. They decide to take my advice and do mini milkshakes and fresh baked cookies for dessert, and since I’ve been starving myself (so to speak – my version of starving myself involves chocolate chip cookies, only they have more fiber and darker chocolate than usual) I get really excited to swipe some leftovers even though the party isn’t for three weeks.
  • 1pm -I spend forty-five minutes trying to find a pen.
  • 1:45pm – I find a pen, but can’t remember why I needed it in the first place.
  • 2pm – Harry and I sit down with our Sous Chef Kevin and Manager/Work Husband Ryan to investigate who left the food out the night before. We also discuss things like portion control, what day we’re going to have our next FOH staff meeting and how annoying it is when the guys in the kitchen talk about you in Spanish while you’re sitting right in front of them.
  • 3:30pm -I place an order for four dozen 4oz. melamine molcajete bowls. I literally cannot wait for them to arrive even though you have no idea what they are. I also peruse the web for new chip baskets, and how far The Beautiful Mount Airy Lodge & Casino is from my brother-in-law’s new house (24 minutes).
  • 4pm – AKA Lunchtime for me and Harry. Buffalo shrimp wrap and a baked potato with no butter because I’m still starving myself, and it’s really dry and un-salty. Conveniently also tipoff for the Syracuse game. I get my SU Cheerleader Barbie Doll out because I think she brings good luck.
  • 4:45pm – Staff meeting. Harry gives everyone the specials and I show them a photo of Harry riding a bucking bronco at a cowboy store we went to in Florida. Harry bans eating. I announce a contest for the month of March wherein the server with the most requests for him or her “wins.” Oddly enough, nobody asks what the prize is which is good because a) I didn’t know and b) it may end up being glory and that could potentially be disappointing to the winner. We review our Zero Tolerance policy involving sexual harrassment. Harry says there is no touching anyone else at work. I remind everyone that harrassment is not just touching, but also inappropriate language. I tell them that they cannot say things like “fuck this shit” because you never know who is sensitive to that kind of stuff, and because many of our customers can hear, and sound tends to travel at the restaurant. Charlie later tells me that he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, because we pretty much left him with no words to say.
  • 5:15pm -I post the contest poster in the server station. Nicole throws a minor temper tantrum because her name is second to last, even though she can clearly see that it’s in alphabetical order.
  • 6pm -I wave goodbye to Harry from the front door, because the restaurant is filling up and I know that we will be separated by a wall of people for the next 3 hours and won’t be able to see each other. Syracuse ends their regular season 30-1. All because of my Barbie Doll!
  • 6:30pm – Senora Davidson, my high school Spanish teacher comes in with her family and tells me that I’m beautiful and I was one of her favorite students ever. I find neither of these compliments shocking. I make her stand next to me and translate what the guys are saying about me in Spanish. Sometimes you have to make your customers work for their dinner.
  • 7pm – Table 51 tells me that table 74 is shouting explatives that he doesn’t want his young daughters to hear and I have to say something. I literally have to scold a grown man. My boobs are out tonight so I’m feeling fine about it.
  • 7:30pm – My new hostess tells everybody who walks through the door that the wait is 20-30 minutes, even though it is well over an hour. I make a note to discuss that with her after service but am interrupted by a woman screaming in my face because she had to wait 20 minutes even though she had a reservation. I smile and take it. One of the fabulous highlights of my job. Cranky hungry housewives.
  • 8pm -I seat a table of 7 at a table for 7. They tell me they forgot that they’re really 10 plus a high chair. I tell them it will be forty minutes. They tell me they’ll make it work, and their solution is that 3 of them will eat standing up.
  • 8:30pm -I distract a couple who has been waiting far too long for their table by telling them that Adele’s first album is totally underappreciated ever since the second album dropped.
  • 9pm -The crowd has finally thinned out enough for me to give Harry a wave. I assess the night. We need more margarita glasses and butter knives. I attempt to write it down but once again, I can’t find a pen.
  • 10pm – Charlie calls me to tell me all the inappropriate things he couldn’t say during work. We briefly discuss grabbing a drink but it’s my turn to be the Cranky Hungry Housewife. Does Dominos make a whole grain crust?
  • 10:45pm -Riley empties my entire bag in 20 seconds flat, then falls asleep even faster.
  • 11:30pm – Harry gets home just in time for LiLo on SNL. Will I make him go to Taco Bell for the surprisingly delicous diet menu? Oh please, he’s already gone…

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