how to celebrate birthdays the right way!

16 Feb

Growing up in my family, when you were done with your dinner, you turned your plate over to check the manufacturer. So it’s only fitting that my first child was a restaurant. Six years ago today, I became the proud mom to an extraordinarily high maintenance baby. Like any child, her mood changes like the weather. Sometimes she just makes my life feel easy breezy and like I’m the best mommy EVERRRRR and sometimes she’s a fucking bitch and I need to escape to Starbucks with a flask of whipped cream vodka and a good game of Snood. But I’d literally have nothing to do without her (other than raise my human kid and have low blood pressure) so February 16th is a special special day in my heart. Today I celebrated by going to the mall for an hour to look for cute outfits for me and Harry’s upcoming trip to Disney World, making Riley watch me sing and dance along to “Annie” because it was free on demand, and cleaning out our linen closet. Here’s a rundown of previous celebrations:

  • 1st Birthday -It fell on a Friday. I remember this because I stayed up for 24 hours straight baking 350 cupcakes and frosting them with 4 different home-dyed colors. I put a card on every table with a ’50s style pinup girl popping out of a cake which took 3 days to photoshop, and I had 4 dozen balloons blown up. I made the entire staff sing Happy Birthday to the restaurant every hour on the hour. Typical first birthday, I guess.
  • 2nd Birthday –  I had 2 dozen balloons scattered about. Our Sous Chef’s wife Andrea was a baker at Costco, so she made us 4 sheet cakes with the logo on them. We forgot to give out the 3rd and 4th cakes, so Harry and I ate that as our dinner for like 4 days in a row.
  • 3rd Birthday -We got a dozen balloons and 2 sheet cakes that we didn’t tell Andrea about until the last minute so they didn’t have the logo which made me sad. My parents were on vacation and I through a temper tantrum because they ditched their grandkid on its birthday.
  • 4th Birthday – I was pregnant with Riley so I was most likely sitting in the corner of the restaurant eating a kid’s grilled cheese and Reese’s sundae from Friendly’s. During my pregnancy the only thing I thought about was dessert, so I may or may not have kept the cakes for myself. I don’t remember.
  • 5th Birthday –Restaurant who? I have a real baby now, I don’t have time for things like celebrating a building’s birthday. I wrote the restaurant a note on Facebook and Harry brought home takeout.

Wow. Time flies. It’s going to be the restaurant’s Bat Mitzvah in no time, and I really need to find a venue quickly. They book up really early.

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