Deep thoughts about turkey breast.

10 Feb

At some point in the past few years, I stopped shopping at supermarkets that don’t carry Boar’s Head products. If I trapse in for a gallon of organic whole milk for RIley and need to grab some cold cuts to “cook” dinner for me and Harry and I don’t see the familiar logo and the amazing horseradish sauce, I sulk towards the door and settle on lettuce wraps from Cheesecake Factory instead because there is no way I’m buying America’s Choice, it’s so bad for you. But wait a minute….

When did I become a girl who discriminates against cheap turkey?

I used to love cheap turkey breast. I think I still do. It’s so transporting – to this idyllic time before 1080p and an app for that and “share” buttons and gluten allergies. To sleepaway camp, when we packed a sandwich lunch for trip day to Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom and put mayo packets in our brown bags but never used them because the mayo would get hot and go bad in the sun, but the lunch meat would be perfectly acceptable to gobble down. Or to college when I would use my swipey card in the food court to buy a turkey sandwich on a pumpernickel roll with a slice of American and a bag of chips and a pickle, and I would slice the pickle and place the little pieces under the cheese and press the chips onto the top of the bread and study for a final or write a poem or chat with a new friend. None of my greatest turkey breast experiences were while eating Boar’s Head. How did I get so lost in a world of name brands?

I truly don’t mind if the turkey’s little bit slimy, in fact, it’s sort of a prerequisite if we’re discussing the type that truly tugs at my heartstrings. Slimy. Processed. Slippery. In a world of nitrate-free, USDA certified organic, free-range, corn-fed chicken nuggets with whole grain, high fiber, gluten-free breadcrumbs, all I want is a slippery turkey sandwich on white bread with regular mayo. No hydroponically grown bibb lettuce, baby arugula, heirloom tomatoes or lemon curd aoli or tapenade. No manchego, taleggio, pecorino or smoked gouda. No SunChips or Munchie Mix or PopChips or Pirate’s Booty. Just some rippled chips, thank you. Supermarket brand preferred.


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