how to win a pickup truck.

6 Feb

Riley decided to get really sick for Super Bowl Sunday and being the amazing human being that I am, I graciously allowed Harry to work instead of me (seriously…. There are TVs where we work. And other people. Who have more than two teeth. And don’t have boogers running uncontrollably down their face. I was seriously being amazingly nice! I am soooo thoughtful!). In all honesty Ikeys sort of excited to forgo Super Bowl socializing. I figured that I’d chill on the couch with my snugly babydoll and we could dance to Madonna, make fun of Kelly Clarkson’s inevitably unflattering wardrobe decision, win a Chevy Silverado and fast forward to all the good commercials. I went to the restaurant and packed myself a party package for 1.25, went home and put on sweats and plated my buffet of wings, a turkey slider on cranberry bread, a wedge salad and cole slaw.
And you know what?
Kelly Clarkson’s outfit didn’t suck at all. Madonna couldn’t make it to the halftime show so she sent her great grandmother. As hard as I tried I did not win a pickup truck. The commercials kept getting interrupted by the football game. And I got full after like only 5 wings and half the slider. I imagined Harry rowdily clinking glasses, high fiving and Vouging. Why the fuck do I have to be so fucking nice?
Don’t get me wrong. Riley was a phlemy joy. She ate all the meatballs out of a can of Italian wedding soup and hugged my while I cried hysterically during “L-U-V Madonna” but her bedtime was just after Madge (thankfully) plunged through the stage and I really don’t love football and then I decided that I really DID love football because that guy made that catch and it just felt so energizing…. But I had nobody to high five. Or throw a beer to. Or tell that Kelly Clarkson’s national anthem was like totally the best one I’ve ever seen and her outfit and hair didn’t suck and the lmfao dance was my favorite part of Madonna and Nicki Minaj should do the halftime show next year and the Seinfeld commercial was sooo funny especially the expression on his face when the wind blew his clothes off and why were the polar bears back again and why didn’t they dump Gatorade on the coach and how convenient it is that the team colors are the same so no teeny tiny bits of confetti had to go to waste.
Nope, I had to keep it all in. Because I am a top notch wife. So basically, what I’m trying to say is that I deserve a really nice present. Specifically a Chevy Silverado.

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One Response to “how to win a pickup truck.”

  1. Sandrew February 7, 2012 at 11:41 am #

    {like}

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