Things I have eaten in the past week without sugar.

31 Jan

Literally nothing.

Perhaps I’m a little stressed because I’m trying to arrange a ridiculously unbelievable yet complicated Valentine’s Day gift for Harry. And because we got Fios and I don’t know any of the channel numbers and as a result I didn’t tape Pretty Little Liars last night and the only way to watch it now is on demand which is NOT IN HIGH DEF and therefore pointless. Also, Riley still only has 2 teeth and I’m freaking out that I have to order baby dentures for her and I really don’t have that sort of cash flow ever since I decided not to become a drug dealer.

The following have been meals for me in the recent days:

  • Buttercup Bakeshop Cupcakes – Went the other day with my sister-in-law and we walked in as they were locking up, which was too much pressure. As I ordered the 10th cupcake, (2 red velvet, 2 lemon, 2 vanilla frosting chocolate cake, 2 chocolate frosting vanilla cake, 2 vanilla/vanilla) I asked her why I was purchasing ten cupcakes and she assured me that they always get eaten. Harry had the red velvet, Austin took a vanilla with chocolate cake for lunch, gave a chocolate on vanilla to Charlie when he got cranky at the beer bar and now there is half a lemon left. You do the math.
  • M&Ms – Sometimes for parties at the restaurant we do Ice Cream Sundae Bars for dessert so my work husband Ryan picked up a barrel of M&Ms. So every time I pass the server station in the party room, which is 5-50 times a day, I fill my hands with the candy coated amazingness and squeeze them for like ten minutes until the chocolate is oozy and melted in the middle and my hands are covered in blue, red and green dots, and then I pop one at a time. It proved difficult on Saturday night because it was hard to put the menus on the table and clear off extra place settings with only one hand, so I had a busboy follow me to the tables and take care of it for me.
  • Chocolate Chip Pancakes – Anyone who’s anyone knows that I make some hardcore fabulous pancakes. I use Riley as an excuse to make them, although lately it’s annoying because I only have Bisquick and you need an egg and who has eggs just laying around in their refrigerator? (Probably normal people, but I promise you that restaurant people stick with the basic condiments and Poland Spring) We have a whole routine. She gets 2 plain, I get the rest although lately she’s been stealing off my plate. I don’t blame her. I melt butter on top because nothing goes better with un-whole grains and artificial syrup than a little saturated fat.
  • Frozen Yogurt – Or as I like to call it, A Container of Fruit Loops and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups topped with a Dollop of Mint Fro Yo

I haven’t even had milk with my Oreos because I keep bringing whole milk home from the restaurant for Riley and forgetting to grab skim for myself (IRONY!) and frankly whole milk tastes like cream, and if I’m going to have cream it had better be whipped with some sugar. But whipped cream is totally not on my diet.



January’s Over

(a limerick)

I said that I’m joining a gym

And eating less so I get slim

But I’ve got a hubby

Who says I’m not chubby

So I’m gonna just believe him.



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